Around this time of year, everyone is expecting me to do a stupid “these are the posts I’m big headed enough to want you to read twice” post. I get it, it’s 2012 now and that’s a huge deal or something. Last year, and I believe the year before, I gave in and did what was expected, and it took ages and was boring to write. This year, why not look to the future? Why care about the past- who the hell are you, Emmett Brown?! Here are my predictions of what will happen in the big one-two.
Us human beings are not on the ball at all with this whole space stuff (we’re still doing better than horses though, go team!), but it doesn’t mean that other life forms aren’t on their way. And when they get here, and realise that we wear clothes, what better attire to hand them than something that glistens like the sky they just fell from? Ed Hardy will then be massively rich on multiple planets, and will host another art show on Mars.
Sharks with Frickin’ Lasers- the new tattoo removal?
It has to happen eventually. I would actually get a tattoo of an ex’s name JUST to get it removed if that happened. If you think this is a stupid idea, you clearly do not know that sharks don’t have to be fed as often as the person you’d pay to work the machine, and 90% of people who are attacked by a shark survive it (google that shit if you don’t believe me!). This will probably be a fad thing, like when girls go to have fish eat their feet, but it would still be cool.
The Daily Mail will admit Tattoos Don’t Cause Cancer
In a shock spin, the Daily Mail are going to say that tattoos don’t cause cancer after all, with a big “OOPS, SORRY!” headline on the front page. My best mate Joni reckons the Daily Mail have two big lists of what causes cancer, and of what cures it, so tattoos will be moved to the ‘cures cancer’ list.
Breaking new discoveries in science this year will help us determine some of the world’s greatest mysteries. However, we’ll probably just dick around with the new technology, like we usually do, resulting in accidentally finding out that dinosaurs used to tattoo each other, and had a whole array of 90s style tribal and arm band tattoos. New theories will break out that Jurrassic Park was a documentary, and that that is where we get Mike Tyson’s face from.
People will stop telling me what their goddamn tattoos mean.
Wishful thinking? Miami Ink isn’t real.
Okay, okay, enough messing around. Here is a top 10 of the most popular posts of 2011, then. Since you asked nicely.
- BEFORE YOU GET TATTOOED
- ALL THIS CONVENTION STUFF
- TROY DENNING’S TATTOO AGE EPISODE ONLINE NOW!
- NO, TATTOOS DON’T GIVE YOU CANCER.
- EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: ALAN ALDRED!
- PSST! THIS IS COOL.
- STOP LETTING CRAP CONVENTIONS RIP YOU OFF.
- LASER REMOVAL: AN UNNECESSARY SAFETY NET?
- BOB ROBERTS, JACK RUDY AND GREZ INTERVIEWS!
- SO, YOU WATCHED TATTOO SCHOOL….